Year 1 Toddling Along:
by Gems0ng
Summary: Jack has gone through a life altering change. He's not happy about it at all.
1. Chapter 1: The Challenge

The Challenge

This sucks. It sucks being 18 months old. I didn't like it the first time.  
Well, actually I don't remember being 18 months old the first time. But it  
probably sucked. It certainly sucks now.

"Come on, Jack," Daniel said.

"No." I had that word down. If I want to sit here in a pile of my own crap,  
then that's what I'm going to do.

Daniel sighed at me. He's been doing that a lot lately. When he's not  
giggling. Can you imagine? A grown man giggling like a teenage girl.

"Jack, please."

"No." And I meant it. I'm a colonel in the United States Air Force. If the  
Iraqis couldn't break me, what makes him think he's going to change my mind?

Did I mention one of the parts of being 18 months old that really sucks? The  
fact that Daniel can lift me up and put me on a changing table. I HATE THIS!

"Thit!"

Daniel made a face and held his nose for a moment. "That's for damned sure,"  
he said. "What the hell have you been eating, Jack?!"

I lay on my back looking at the pudgy little hands that couldn't hold a M-16  
if my life depended on it.

"Thit in. Thit out."

Giggling was the response. Not from Daniel. No, he's too busy cleaning my  
ass. No, the giggling is coming from Carter this time. Keeper of the baby  
wipes. I should be grateful Jaffa aren't prone to giggling. I don't think I  
could take that.

My ass is clean and dry. Just wonderful. Daniel decided a bath was in order  
too. Freaking bubbles in the bath! Bubbles! What does he take me for!? A  
baby!? Okay, okay, so I'm the size of one, but for crying out loud! Though  
shoving a handful up his nose while he was bending over me was good for a  
laugh. I laughed. He didn't. Sometimes Daniel has no sense of humor.

Now we're doing the rocker thing. The rocker is Teal'c fault. I can't even  
sit in the damned thing. Too high and moves too much. Annoying. Only time I  
can get in it is by sitting on someone lap. Right now I'm on Carter's lap.

I'm not tired. I don't need to be rocked to sleep. I can go to sleep on my  
own thank you very much. When I'm damn good and ready to sleep. I'd kill for  
a beer. Okay, so maybe I'm just a little tired. I gotta admit Sam… I mean  
Carter is a lot more comfortable than Teal'c's muscles. She's warm and she  
does the humming thing I like.

Soft and low. Sounds like something classical. Not a lullaby, thank all the  
gods and their little snake wannabes. She has a nice voice. Low and a little  
husky. It makes her chest vibrate slightly. Soothing. Like her heartbeat.  
Slow and steady. Least I'm warm now. But I'm not tired. Really. Not.  
Tired…..

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Fini


	2. Chapter 2: Shopping

Chapter 2: Shopping

Okay. So I've been in a lousy mood since P94-X6A. But you can hardly blame me. You'd be in a pretty rotten mood too if you got drunk with the natives and woke up, not with a hangover, but in the body of a two year old. Janet's not really sure how old I really am now. Somewhere between 18 months and 2. So I'm in a crappy mood. Sue me.

What I'd like to know is how Daniel ended up dragging me around with him. Not that I mind Daniel. I consider him a good friend. But it's one thing when your best friend drags you home after a night on the town. It's completely different when your best friend is carrying you on his hip into a Wal-Mart on a Sunday afternoon.

They insist I need clothes. Have you SEEN the clothes they have out for kids these days? And we all know Daniel's tastes in clothes. God help me. Did you know the shopping cart seats now have little straps that keep kids from climbing out of them? I used to think that was a great idea.

"Da'l," I said. You try talking with missing teeth. It's the best I can manage his name.

"No, Jack, you can't walk around on your own," Daniel said as he strapped me in. When did he start reading my mind? "This will be faster. Unless you want to spend all day here chasing you around?"

While the idea did have its attractions, he did have a point. "No." I said.

Daniel grinned at me. Then he pushed the cart into the store. He certainly knew his way around. Didn't know he shopped here. I don't think I could live without it. Everything in one place. Did I mention the video game section?

The designers of toddler clothing should be taken out and made into Goa'ulds. They have the same sense of fashion. We won't go into my opinion of 'Bob the Builder'. Who the hell comes up with the crap. It certainly isn't kids.

"What an adorable little boy," said probably the tenth woman so far in the last hour. What do these women do all day. Stalk underage males? Oh no, this one's giving Daniel the eye. He's oblivious as usual. Although in this case I'm glad.

"Thank you," Daniel replied to the woman. His voice is getting the same tone as when he's had to repeat himself to the intellectually dim. Like me at staff meetings.

Then the monster attacked me! Half my face caught in a painful grip between fat fingers. "You are just the cutest thing!" it said right in my face. I couldn't stop myself.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

I screamed like a baby. Well I was a baby. Daniel had me up and out of the cart so fast I think he defied gravity and a few physic's laws. But right at that moment, I didn't care. I had a death grip on Daniel's neck and there was no way in hell I was letting go.

"He's very shy of strangers," I heard Daniel say to the woman. "Excuse me." He walked away from the woman, pushing the cart with one hand and holding me tight with the other.

"You okay Jack?" he murmured in my ear.

I nodded. "Yeth…" I said. I felt anything but. I can't remember the last time I had the crap scared out of me like that.

Daniel didn't put me down though. He just continued to fill the cart one handed and hold me. I didn't mind. I wanted to feel safe. As long as he was holding me I felt safe. So at the moment I was a wuss. So sue me. I don't care.

I leaned my head against Daniel's shoulder as we stood in the check out line. I must be heavy by this time, but Daniel seemed to be fine. He sighs when he's tired. Or when annoyed. He wasn't sighing. So I wasn't gonna say anything.

"Jack," Daniel's voice was a warm murmur in my ear. "Stop sucking your thumb."

Crap.

Fin


	3. Chapter 3: Bored

Chapter 3: Bored

I'm bored. And my feet hurt. Is it my fault I've got big feet? Kids grow you know. Not that I'm a kid, mind you. Just in the body of one. And as soon as Carter and Janet figure out how to reverse this, there is going to be some serious payback. If one more person tells me how cute and adorable I am, I'm gonna start gnawing kneecaps. And don't think I can't reach that high.

I'm bored. I've already had a nap so I'm doubly bored. Daniel's still asleep. He dozed off on the couch. I sit on the floor to take off these stupid shoes. Carter and Fraizer thought they were soooooo cute. They are soooooo not cute. They light up when I walk. You can't be stealthy with light up shoes. They pinch my toes.

Thud. There's one.

Thud. There's the other.

Daniel's still sleeping. He looks so peaceful. So innocent. A perfect target. He's sleeping with his mouth open. I spot the bowl of left over popcorn from last night still on the coffee table. I could try flicking them into his mouth. A few practice shots. My coordination sucks. I miss his mouth completely. Hell, I barely hit the couch.

I'm bored. I need something to do. Can't reach the DVDs. Can't reach the DVD player. The TV remote is on the shelf and out of my reach. He did this on purpose. I read the paper this morning. Can't do that. So what can I do? I need something to drink.

Hummm… Daniel's asleep. If I'm really quiet…..

I pad into the kitchen. Everything is so big. But I know where everything is, so I just need to figure out how to do it. Come on, Jack. You can do this. You were black ops. You pulled off missions no one else could.

Okay. The refrigerator. I look around. Kitchen chair. That will work. I drag it to the side of the door. Damn this thing is heavy. Why did I buy solid wood chairs? The scrapping is kinda loud. I get the chair into position and run to check on Daniel. Nope, he's still asleep. He must be really tired. Good.

Back into the kitchen. I know the refrigerator door is going to be heavy and it sticks a little. I think I know how to manage that. I climb up on the chair and grasp the handle with both hands. I pull. Damn. Maybe if I jump off the chair at the same time my body weight will be enough. The chair is higher than I thought. Okay…. One… two…. Three… GO!

YES!

I let go and hit the floor. Owowowowowow…. That hurt. I get up rubbing my backside. The refrigerator door is open and there she is. The holy grail. The goddess of malt liquor. And it needs a bottle opener. Crap. Well that's in a drawer.

Time to reposition the chair. Damn, that was loud. I set the bottle on the chair and then climb up again. Now. Set the bottle on the counter. Okay, getting up there is going to be tricker than I thought. Half way up with my stomach on the counter. Just need to get my legs up here. Chair's wobbling. Gotta move!

Got it. That was close. Okay. Now, the bottle opener is in the drawer. I crawl on the countertop pushing the bottle of beer in front of me. Here's the drawer. If I lay down I can reach the handle. What the hell do I keep in here? Lead bars? Ah. Got it. I slip my hand inside and rummage around. There it is, right in the front where it belongs.

I sit on the counter with my legs dangling. I position the bottle between my legs to hold it steady. I slip the bottle opener under the cap holding tightly with both hands. A few more minutes and nirvana will be reached.

"JACK!"

I jump. The bottle opener goes flying. The beer bottle slips away. I watch it fall in almost slow motion, spinning in a lazy circle until it hits the floor and shatters. Beer and glass going in all directions. I was so close! Just another minute and….

Sobbing. I'm sobbing.

Daniel picks me up slinging me under one arm like a dufflebag. I can't stop crying.

"Jack," Daniel said. "You're going to give me every one of those gray hairs you had, aren't you?"

"I want a beer!!" I sob.

"No beer."

"Why!!"

"Because this body can't handle the alcohol," Daniel said sounding reasonable in the face of my grief.

"I canth do anything!" I wail. God I hate it when I whine.

Daniel pulls me into his lap and rocks me. I hate when he does that. He's warm and he holds my head against his chest and I can feel his heartbeat against my ear. I feel his hand on my back soothing. I calm down. I don't wanna calm down. If I have to be a kid then I'm going to have a tantrum.

Maybe I'll have one later. I hate when he does this.

"You have your thumb in your mouth again," Daniel said softly.

I yank out the offending digit. "Thit."

FINI


	4. Chapter 4: Boo Boo

Chapter 4: Boo Boo

I never thought I would find myself in such a position. I really didn't. This was after all the last thing I expected. But here I am in charge of a retired (again) Air Force colonel who now is currently in the body of a two year old.

Many a time I've referred to Jack as childish. Down right bratty is also a term that could have been used on his adult self. There has been little change in that aspect of him. Most of the time he's been in a bad mood. Most of the time it's understandable. Learning to walk and speak was a challenge. Of course the biggest challenge was potty training.

Jack hates wearing diapers. But he doesn't seem to have the bodily control his adult body had. He can't just 'hold it' until it's convenient. He's had more than his fair share of 'accidents'. I've become an expert at diapering. Thank God for the inventor of the disposal diaper. We're trying the little 'pull-ups' that supposed to help him figure it out. Regular diapers are just for bed time now.

But that's not really the biggest difference I see in Jack. He's always been independent. He's lost all of that. I'm amazed by how much he needs security now. Especially from me. I expected Sam, since she's a woman or even Teal'c who would defend him with his life. No. He needs/wants me. Even if he won't admit it, it shows in what he does.

For example: this morning. Now that he's walking again, Jack has only one speed. Warp. And he hates shoes. He really hates the ones Sam and Janet bought him. He'll accept socks as a necessary evil when it comes to cold tile and wood floors. But socks don't work outside.

Why the sliding door was unlatched, I'll never understand, but it was. It was warm out and Jack decided to take off out the door again. He pushed until he could squeeze that little body through and he was off across the deck.

The deck is wood. Jack was going to go hopping down the steps into the yard when his sock got snagged. He nose-dived off the deck and face first into the flower bed. The scream that followed almost turned my hair white as I ran out to him.

It could have been so much worse that it was. The way Jack was sobbing, you'd think he broke every bone in his body. Jack had a lot of injuries as an adult and had learned to ignore it. This little body on the other hand didn't give him that luxury.

I carried him inside into the bathroom so I could get a good look at him. I sat him on the toilet and with a wet washcloth began cleaning off the dirt. He had barked his knees on the steps, scraping the. He also had a scrape on his elbow. Other than that, it looks like he got off rather light. I didn't see the need to call Janet over. Though I would call her later just in case.

"Da'l?" Jack said.

"Yes?"

"Hate thith!" he said sniffling, tears still rolling down dirty cheeks.

"I know you do, Jack," I said quietly.

"I wanna be big again!"

"I know Jack," I said gently cleaning the dirt from his face.

"Thith thoooo thucks!"

I managed no to smile. Jack's lisp was kinda cute, but it didn't take three doctorates to teach me when not to use that word.

I put the Simpson's band-aids over the cuts. Jack stares at the band-aid on his elbow. "Bart." He said.

"Yes," I replied. "You two have a lot in common." I poke his belly and he giggles. At the same time he tries to look insulted at what I did.

Jack continues to contemplate his bandaged elbow. "Crape." He tries. His lack of permanent teeth annoys him to no end. I nod, not sure where he's going with this.

Jack frowned with concentration then looks up at me. "Boo boo." He said.

I feel my face contorting painfully as I try not to chuckle. "Yes, you've managed to collect several 'boo boos'."

His brown eyes narrowed at me. Something was going on in that little head and I was afraid to imagine what.

"Kith."

I felt my eyebrows try to disappear into my hairline. Did he really want me to.? What the hell. I plant a little kiss on that tiny elbow. "Better?" I asked.

That smile melts me every time. "Bedder." He said and held up his arms for me to pick him up.

I carried Jack back downstairs. It was one of those times. Times when Jack mentally says 'screw it, if I'm a kid, I'm gonna act like one'. His arms are around my neck and his head tucked against my shoulder. And his thumb is stuck firmly in his mouth.

As I sit in the recliner, cuddling my best friend, I realize it's these moments that make it all worth while. These moments, he's my little boy. But I'm not going to forget the beer incident.

I pulled Jack's thumb from his mouth.

"Thit."

FINI


	5. Chapter 5: I'm Two! Dialog

Chapter 5: I'm Two (Dialog)

"I'm two!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"Your body is."

"I'm two!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Jack… your mind is 50 but your body is two."

"Thith suks!"

"So you've said…. Repeatedly."

"I hate you!"

"I feel your pain. Jack… "

"I wanna be big!!"

"Jack… Jack… come on (choked laughed) having a tantrum won't help"

"Sob!"

"Awwww… come here."

"Sniffle….sowwy."

"It's okay, Jack."

"Don't hate you, Dan'l."

"I know."

"Wub you."

"Love you too."

Sniffle.

"Jack…. Thumb…"

"Thit."

Finis


	6. Chapter 6: The Picture

Chapter 6: The Picture

I'm not sure whose idea this was. And once I figure out who originally came up with this I am going to systematically make every moment of the rest of their life a painful living hell. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind getting my picture taken. I've posed for enough for pictures with my family, my team, whatever.

This on the other hand is the ultimate in humiliation. Daniel, you rat bastard, I'm gonna get you for this.

Here I am in a photographer's studio getting a portrait done. Did I mention I suddenly hate the colors brown and blue? Particularly brown and blue floppy things with bells on them? A jester. I'm dressed up like a freaking jester! I'm going to kill somebody.

The photographer is trying to get me to smile for the camera. He's got a little red ball on a string and is bouncing it up and down trying to get my attention and get me to smile. I almost smiled when I considered where I would like to shove his bouncy red ball.

Daniel is standing behind him with that goofy grin on his face that I hate so much. The one that screams 'isn't he cute'.

Then he waves at me wiggling his fingers in my direction. "Come on, Jack," he said. "Smile for camera."

"Thew you," I replied giving him my best evil eye.

Teal'c is standing behind him. His face is a complete mask of neutrality. I think Mount Rushmore has more expression. He let them do this to me. He even held me still while Daniel dressed me in this… this…. Nightmare!

Sam and Janet are standing there with a stunned look on their face. I think Janet is going to going to have to dust her teeth if she doesn't close her mouth soon. Sam's face is starting to contort. She's going to laugh. I know she is. Suddenly she hurries out of the room. I hate her. How could she leave me like this!! How could she betray me!

Betrayed by all those I trusted.

Daniel's now making faces at me. He is sooooo dead. Janet finally closes her mouth and turns to Daniel. Suddenly her arm comes up and she whacks him hard on the back of the head and he stumbles forward.

"Ow!"

I smile. I giggle. I can't help it. I laugh.

I have to give the photographer credit. He starts quickly snapping away with the camera. I stop smiling and glare at him. Sigh. It just doesn't have the same effect it used to. He's oblivious. But he got his picture. Damn it.

Daniel comes over and scoops me up in his arms. I'd punch him, but being dropped from this height is not a good idea. But he's going to be so dead.

Janet turned to Teal'c. Our little medical power monger had her hands on her hips.

"This was your idea?" she demanded.

"O'Neill is often referred to as a 'joker'," my former friend said without shame. "The costume was appropriate."

I glare Teal'c now. He's dead. His kneecaps are mine!

Fini


	7. Chapter 7: Hurts

Chapter 7: Hurts

A/N: Possible tissue warning. I sniffled a little.

I thought there was no way to be more miserable about this situation than being stuck in the body of a toddler. I was wrong. I was blinding wrong. I don't remember ever going through this. Hell, I don't even remember going through this with Charlie. I think Sara had to deal with that. The woman was a saint and warrior to deal with it.

You have no idea what I'm talking about. I'd rather have a root canal. I'd rather have a staff blast. I'd rather get smacked with a hand device. Anything but this.

"Hurts," I mumbled around my thumb. I didn't take it out of my mouth and Daniel didn't even try to make me. I was sitting on his lap with his arms around me. His hand was on my back in a soothing manner, but it didn't stop the pain at all. All I could do was sniffle and lean my forehead against his chest.

"I know it does, Jack," Daniel murmured. He glanced beside him at Janet who was sitting beside him holding my hand.

She shook her head at the question that must have been in his eyes. "Daniel, he needs someone trained to handle this," the CMO of the most secret organization in the world said. "I simply don't have all the right training."

Janet is here for only one reason. I wanted her here. And I made enough of a fuss until she gave in. I had no idea how effective miserable wails and tears were on her. I would have tried it years ago if I thought it would have worked. Well maybe not. One small upside for the toddler size and big brown eyes full of tears. If I had to see a pediatrician I wanted a trained set of eyes on him.

"Dr. Jackson?" a voice said. "We're ready for you."

It was the nurse. Lisa I think she said her name was. Pretty and nice. Sigh. If only I were big again. But then I wouldn't be here. Figures.

Daniel got up holding me. Any plans Janet had for sitting this one out were crushed because I wouldn't let go of her hand. So the three of us trouped into the exam room where Doctor Durdan was waiting for us.

As Daniel tried to set me down on the exam table, Janet rattled off my symptoms for the doctor's benefit. So I was clingy. Can you blame me? We compromised with me on the table holding my hand. Not what I wanted. And since I had hold of Janet's other hand, my thumb couldn't be in my mouth.

Durden leaned down to my level and looked me in the eyes. "All right, big guy," he said in that adult-talking-to-a-kid voice. "Let's take a look at you."

Okay, I didn't handle the exam well. The poking and prodding was bad enough. But when he got to examining my right ear, I lost it. It was all Daniel and Janet could do to keep me under control.

The results? Other than having a temperature of 102, I also had a fairly bad ear infection. Do you know what they have to do to treat it? Let's just say I was seriously considering calling Ba'al over to the house for pizza and a hockey game. We won't go into the mild inflammation of my tonsils.

It seemed like hours before the torture was over. Miserable? Oh god I was miserable. I was in Janet's arms while the doctor gave Daniel the instructions oh what to do when we got home.

I couldn't wait to get away from that place and Anubis' chief torturer. And according to Janet's soothing murmur in my ear, there was ice cream in my future that sounded really good to me right then.

Bet they weren't thinking about how 'cute' I was. Okay, I confess, I got a little revenge for the 'cute' moments they get. Yes, I cried a lot. Okay, howled, wailed and sobbed. And only 'dada' and 'mama' could comfort me.

Doctor Durden assured them that their 'son' would be just fine in a couple days. The scary part? They didn't correct him.

I might be in trouble.

Fini


	8. Chapter 8: Hurts 2

Chapter 8: Hurts 2

Jack is miserable. I mean really miserable. The downsizing was bad enough, but this is just plain awful. And as bratty as he normally is, he's trying so hard to suck it up and endure. Pure Jack. Cut off his leg and he'd call it a flesh wound. Cut of his arm and he'd bitch about not being able to use a rifle properly.

"Da?" Jack said. He's given up trying to say my full name.

I walk over to his bed and sit down on the side putting my hand to his forehead. The curls are a little damp with sweat so I brush them aside. He usually hates when I mess with his hair, particularly since I won't let him cut it at short as he wants it. He'd look like Forrest Gump.

"What can I get you?" I asked.

He lay there, propped up on the pillow. "Talk wif me?" he asked. That meant I talk and he listened since his throat hurt too much for a lot of talking.

"How about I read to you instead?" I asked. Jack nodded and I picked up one of the books he was currently trying to read. His handwriting was impossible with the small hands, but his ability to read remained undiminished.

I picked up the second Harry Potter book off his night stand and began to read. I had been initially surprised thinking it was just a children's story. Now I'm just as fascinated Jack is in the story. I've already picked up the following books that Jack didn't have yet.

I read a couple chapters before he dozed off again. I brush his hair off his face again. The touch seems to settle him a little. I find myself gently rubbing his back as he curls into a ball.

I didn't expect him to sleep long. Eventually the painkiller wears off and he's awake again. This time Janet took a turn with him. She and Cassie came over for dinner as well as to see how Jack was holding up.

Janet was able to get him to eat some Jell-O, despite his lack of appetite. And it had to be green Jell-O. Not red. Not blue. Not orange. Only green Jell-O. I didn't even think he liked Jell-O, but then considering how his throat and ears felt it was probably easy going down.

We sat on the couch. Cassie had just put in the DVD for the first Harry Potter movie. Then it struck me. This moment. Jack was sitting on Janet's lap sucking his thumb. I was sitting beside her with my arms stretched out behind her on the back of the couch. Cassie was sitting on the floor using my legs as a back rest.

It was strange. But it was good. I glanced at Janet to see her looking at me. Apparently the same thought has crossed her mind at the same time. She smiled and I squeezed her shoulder.

I don't know when I dozed off. Nor did I know that Cassie knew where Jack's digital camera was. Apparently I wasn't the only one who dozed off. Cassie saw her moment and went for the camera.

The picture has the three of us asleep. Janet had her head on my shoulder with my arm around her and Jack had managed to sprawl across both out laps in his sleep.

I'm still debating on whether or not to kill her.

Fini


	9. Chapter 9: Boogie Nights

Chapter 9: Boogie Nights

I heard the music coming from Jack's room. That's not too uncommon. The CD player and discs are on a low shelf that he can reach. Most of his collection is on the bottom shelf. I can generally tell his mood by what he's playing. If Holst's The Planets, particularly Mars the Bringer of War is playing at full blast. That is a good indicator that he's in a particularly foul mood. Wagner's Rings usually means heavy frustration. Der Fledermous means he's feeling playful. Scott Joplin generally means he's feeling melancholy.

But disco?

I didn't even know Jack owned disco. I don't even know anyone who'll admit to owning it. With the exception of Teal'c who is now the proud owner of everything by Abba.

o/ Boogie nights! Aint no doubt we are here to party o/

o/ Boogie nights! Come on now got to get it started o/

I walk down the hall. He's playing it at full volume. They can probably hear it in Scotland. He's got the bass kicked in so the windows are vibrating.

o/ Dance with the boogie, get down! o/

o/ 'Cos boogie nights are always the best in town! o/

Jack's door is partially open, so I look in. Usually he lies on his bed, listening to the music no matter what it is. His way of escaping from what his life had become.

Jack wasn't lying on his bed. He was up with his back to me. I think my jaw hit the floor from the shock. Jack was dancing.

o/Got to keep on dancing. Keep on dancing o/

Little hips swung from side to side with the beat.

o/Got to keep on dancing. Keep on dancing o/

Little arms pumped the air.

o/Boogie nights! Get that groove let it take you higher o/

Small head with curly dark hair was bobbing up and down.

o/Boogie nights! Make it move set this place on fire o/

He spun around with a little twist.

o/ Dance with the boogie, get down! o/

Another little twist and snapped one arm up into the air in a classic John Travolta pose.

o/ 'Cos boogie nights are always the best in town! o/

He opened his eyes and saw me standing in the doorway.

"Aw THIT!"

Fini


	10. Chapter 10: Time Out

Chapter 10: Time Out

So I'm in a bad mood. I am not always in a bad mood. It's just when you catch me. And don't listen to Daniel. Rat bastard. I hate him. He's gone beyond merely mean. He's the devil incarnate and evil and I hate him. Really hate him.

All because of those stupid shoes again. I hate them. I hate the flashing lights. They suck the big one. I don't want to wear them. Nobody in their right mind would want to wear those things. Whoever came up with that idea should be dropped in a well. Full of snakes. Serve them right.

"Jack," Daniel said. "Put your shoes on."

"No."

"Jack you're not going outside without shoes on your feet."

"No."

"Jack, get away from the door and come here."

"No!"

"Jack, I mean it," Daniel said. "If you want to go outside, you have to put your shoes on. Remember what happened last time."

"Thew you!" I snapped yanking on the handle. Damn it! He locked it.

Daniel grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me away from the door. I warned him. I kicked him in the ankle as hard as I could.

Ow!! My toe!

SWAT!!

OWWWWW!!

I was in shock. Stunned. Mortified! He hit me! The next thing I know my stinging butt is parked in a chair facing the corner.

"Time out!" Daniel said. "Fifteen minutes. Think about it!"

I shifted. I squirmed. My butt hurt and the chair is hard. I can't believe he hit me. Swatted me like I was a kid. I don't care that I'm two feet tall! Vertically challenged is all.

My heels thump on the chair legs. This is not fair! I hate him!

"Jack, stop kicking the chair."

I thump a little harder.

"Would you like another fifteen minutes?"

I freeze. I hate this. I hate this chair. I swear it has a time dilation field around it. Bet you didn't think I knew a big word? Hah. Well it does. Fifteen minutes feels like hours.

I sniffle and rub my nose. Maybe kicking him in the ankle wasn't that good of an idea. And the deck has splinters because I never fixed it when I was big. And it really hurt when Daniel had to pull one out of my toe.

I sniffle some more.

"Didn't you think about it?" Daniel said coming up beside the torture chair.

I nod. "Thowwy, Daniel," I said rubbing a hand over my tearing eyes.

He picks me up and hugs me. I hug him back. "Can we buy new those?"

"New shoes?"

I nodded.

"You really hate those, don't you?"

I nod.

"Okay. New shoes," Daniel said. He kissed my forehead. "Better now?"

I nod again. "Bedder."

Why can't I stay mad at him?

Fini


	11. Chapter 11: New Shoes

Chapter 11 New Shoes

Have I mentioned how much I hate these freaking light up shoes? They flash for every step. Flash! Kid coming! Flash! Kid coming! Bright red. They could spot me walking around from the international space station. I hate these shoes. And they pinch my toes so I stumble like a drunken sailor. Kiss my dignity good bye.

I thought we were going to Wal-Mart but apparently Daniel had a different idea. I realized our destination when he pulled into a parking spot in front of one of those strip malls as I call them. A shoe store with nothing but shoes. We go to a lot of specialty stores lately. Probably has to do with the time we went grocery shopping in the Wal-Mart and I wandered over to the video game section. Why would he think I was in the toy section? Duh.

I anxiously wait for Daniel to get me out of this stupid car seat. Payless Shoes. Shoe heaven. I hear women send offerings and worship at the sign. Well that's what I heard. Women? Shoes? Matching purses? Then again I miss lurking in Victoria's Secret.

Yes, I'm wearing the shoes from hell. But they soon will be gone. Daniel carries me across the parking lot. Okay. I can deal. After all, his legs are longer now. He sets me down once we're inside and I see the men's section. I take off. And come to a bone jarring stop. He's got that damn harness and leash on me again. What does he take me for? A dog?

I growl for all the good it does me. He pulls me away from the men's aisle (sob) and straight to the kids section. It's sooooo tempting. I could act my age and start tossing every shoe in reach in all directions. He sits me down on a stool.

"Hi, I'm Karen, can I help you with anything?" The female voice seemed to come out of nowhere. I jumped. I couldn't help it.

Daniel smiled. "We need new shoes," he said. "These are starting to pinch his toes."

"Of course," the saleslady said. "We have the light ups in a larger size…"

"NO!" I said.

"NO!" Daniel said.

Cool… stereo. And she jumped. I giggled.

"A well… lets see if we can find something that fits," Karen said. She smiled at Daniel. I roll my eyes. Here we go again.

Off came the hated shoes. Karen measured my feet. I was officially a size 3. Okay, I got big feet. Not my fault. No wonder the hell shoes hurt. They were 2 ½. I think I'm growing. I'll be so glad when they figure out how to make me big again.

Now I cringe. The selection process. Karen quickly found some 'cute' sneakers. I really hate that four-letter-word. Daniel, bless his rock focused heart shook his head at her choice. He shook his head at a lot of her choices. Remind me to place an offering at the temple of Daniel.

We tried on several livable pairs of sneakers. There were some really cool black ones, but not in my size. So off Karen went to the back to see if they had any size 3's back there. While she was gone Daniel continued to look over the selections. He picked up a pair in brilliant neon green.

"What do you think?" he asked. "They have your size."

"What do you think about wakin up wif you ankle chewed off?" I asked sweetly.

Daniel laughed and put them back just as Karen showed back up with a box of size 3 black sneakers. I put them on and walked around. Oh yeah. Silent and deadly. They'll never know what hit them. I love them!

Daniel said I could buy them, but I also had to buy a couple other pairs of shoes. So a white pair of sneakers with a blue racing stripe. You gotta admit, black shoes and shorts look majorly dorky. And slippers for around the house.

I squirmed. I'd been eyeing a pair. But they were soooooo kiddie! I mean… they had puppy heads. I stared at the black sneakers now on my feet.

"Don't cawe," I mumbled.

"I like these," Daniel said and picked up the fluffy puppies. Okay! I'll admit it! They were cute. It's not like we can have a dog right now.

Karen carried the boxes to the front and Daniel let me walk in my new shoes. Of course he didn't take off the harness. Just attached the other end to his belt again. Sigh. It's a shoe store. Where would I go?

We stood at the counter which is like ten feet over my head so I couldn't see a thing and thanks to the freaking harness I couldn't go anywhere. So all I could do was listen to Karen as she rang up the purchases.

"You want to check his feet periodically," she was saying. "They grow fast."

"I'll do that, thank you," Daniel replied. His voice was getting that polite tone. The one that means he's slowly getting irritated.

"If you ever have any question, you can always call," Karen was saying. I saw Daniel hand over his credit card. "You can just ask for me."

"Mmmm hummm," was the non-committal response.

"I'm a cancer, so I'm really easy to get along with," she continued not getting the hint.

I saw Daniel stiffen, the frown reaching his face as he struggled for a way out of it.

"Dada?" I chirped brightly.

Daniel looked down at me surprised. "What, Jack?"

"Will mama wike my new thothes?" I asked leaning against his leg and giving him the puppy brown eyes for all I was worth. Karen had leaned over the counter and caught the act.

Daniel smiled at me looking relieved. "I'm sure she'll love them," he said. "You can show her when we get home."

That's my Daniel. Quick. With one hand he took the bag from Karen and took my hand with the other and turned to leave.

I skipped while holding his hand. I had new shoes! And Daniel owed me one.

Fini


	12. Chapter 12: Fireworks

Chapter 12: Fireworks

I'm not sure how we ended up doing this. I usually ignore the Fourth of July unless Jack would drag me along for one of his 'outings". This year I expected him to start whining about seeing the fireworks, but he was strangely silent. Every time an advertisement for an upcoming display came on, Jack would either shut it off or walk out of the room.

It was hard for him I think. A reminder of all the things he couldn't do anymore. I would have let it be, but Jack and I were out voted. By Teal'c. He was not a man to take no for an answer. Jack attempted to dig in his heels about the outing, but Teal'c just picked him up until they were eye to eye.

"Done wanna go," Jack said firmly. The bottom lip was making an appearance.

"It was you who took me to my first Fourth of July celebration," the former jaffa said. "You told me the story of why your people celebrate this day. A day of freedom."

Jack squirmed in his arms a little. There was no hiding the guilt on that little face. Even guilty he looks cute.

"I'm wittle now," Jack mumbled.

"So you may now see it with new eyes," Teal'c said.

Jack's suffering sigh was his agreement. Fortunately Teal'c had planned everything in advance. Probably that argument as well.

So we were all off to the Air Force Academy. They put on a pretty spectacular display every year. There was no private use of fireworks in the state, but the professional community displays were always worth it.

Parking of course was a bear, but Teal'c was a patient driver. Nor did he give Jack much option. He carried him through the parking area to the parade grounds. I just tagged along behind. We hadn't brought anything with us, but like I said. Teal'c had planned in advance.

After winding our way through the crowds I saw Sam, Janet and Cassie waiting for us. They had lawn chairs and a picnic spread laid out.

"Jack!" Cassie crowed jumping up to greet us. She held up her arms and he actually allowed her to take him from Teal'c.

"Hi Cathee!" he said giving her a hug.

Cassie knew the right bribe for Jack. Food. That little body had a hell of an appetite. Who knew where he put it. Though I knew exactly where it came out. Janet held up a diaper bag and I breathed a sigh of relief as I dropped into one of the chairs.

As the evening progressed it was obvious Cassie had figured out how to manage Jack. He may have been in the body of a toddler, but most of that adult mind was still there. But then Cassie always had Jack wrapped around her finger. Why should the size matter?

Cassie was showing Jack little games she had learned. She would do them just wrong enough that he would have to correct her. Of course with his two year old coordination his own attempt was far from perfect. But he was soon giggling and laughing with the young girl.

"Ithy bithy pider went up da watta out. Down came da wain and wathed da pider out. Up came da thun and dwied up all da wain and da ithy bithy pyder went up the pout again."

I'm going to say it. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. And after you translate it, I dare you not to agree. If you don't, I'm sure Teal'c will be happy to zat you. After I'm done with you of course.

I watched the two of them playing together. They looked like brother and sister. There was music over the PA system blaring out a selection of songs from oldies to newer hits. Cassie was up holding Jack's hands as they jumped up and down in their version of dancing. The song playing? Dancing Queen by Abba. Teal'c looked pleased. I thought I was never going to stop laughing. Janet and Sam made me tell them why I found it so funny. Soon they were laughing as I described the previous antics of Jack 'Travolta' and his Boogie Nights.

I loved to watch Jack like this. When he didn't think about it, he acted like the child he could have been. His laughter was like music to me. I looked over to see Janet watching them as well. She turned and caught my eyes. I raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled and nodded. I felt the grin take over my face. Fortunately Jack missed it. Though I owe him for saving me from the occasional predatory female in retail outlets.

The sun had finally set and Jack and Cassie had settled down on the blanket for the optimal viewing position. In other words, Teal'c was leaning back against the cooler; Cassie was leaning back against his chest and Jack leaning back against hers. Sam, the saint, snapped that picture.

The fireworks didn't disappoint. In fact, I hardly have the words to describe the amazing burst of color and sound. And I'm supposed to be a linguist. But sometimes, words aren't necessary. The display ended with the sky full of light and the 1812 Overture pounding through the speakers.

We packed up and headed out along with the rest of the crowd. I was carrying Jack this time draped over my shoulder. He had fallen asleep shortly after we started walking. Cassie had worn him out. Cassie had hold of my free hand while holding Janet's hand. Sam and Teal'c were following with the rest of the gear. Janet had the diaper bag over her shoulder along with one of the smaller coolers.

When we got to Teal'c truck, Sam made us stop. She wanted a picture. So we posed for her. Jack on my shoulder and my arm around Janet. Cassie stood in front of us, leaning against me with Janet's arm around her. One of those perfect family picture moments.

Janet looked up at me and smiled.

"Chinese." She said

"Saturday," I said.

"Baby sitting," Sam said.

Fin


	13. Chapter 13: What the?

Chapter 13: What the…?

I am beginning to think that Daniel should buy stock in Starbucks. He loves their coffee. I do too. Rather I did. Weird that I don't like the taste anymore. However, they make the best hot chocolate this side of South America…. Or wherever chocolate comes from. Not too sweet but rich. Of course with under developed taste buds, for all I know it probably comes out of packet.

It's after work and we're meeting Janet. She's here before us and got the good chairs. The big overstuffed lounge chairs. The ones I can climb on and not hear "Jack get down before you hurt yourself again". Of course with Daniel and Janet doing the head together quiet yakking, I doubt they'd notice if I'd fell on my head.

Have I mentioned how boring it is? Not that I mind Daniel and Janet together. It's about damned time if you ask me. Of course if they move any slower, I'll be an adult by the time they actually get together. For crying out loud.

I turned my attention elsewhere. They make a cute couple but seriously. Yawnville. I hung over the back of the chair. It faced the window. It was bright and sunny out. But since there were no umbrellas or anything, nobody was in the outdoor seating. Not a surprise there. It's also hot out there. All hail the air conditioning god.

Ah… another potential customer. I frown. She's going to sit out there. Attractive in a somewhat snobbish, high class way. Let's see. The blond for a bottle. Tan from a can. Crease proof lime jacket with color coordinated pants with a crease so sharp to cause paper cuts from a distance. Big oversized junk jewelry necklace to hide the 10 grand boob job.

"Bwain by Thaks… body by mattel," I said.

I heard a choking sound behind me. "What Jack?" Daniel asked.

I pointed to the woman sitting in the bright sunlight. Her toes were orange I swear. They matched her fingernails.

"Shiny toes," I said. I heard Janet cough. I've heard of glow in the dark nail polish, but glow in the sun?

Bottled Barbie was soon joined by two more of her ilk. Brunettes both. Clothing a few dollars less. They must shop at Sears as opposed to Saks. Capri pants on the one. Sundress on the other. Sundress must have been a rebel. She had a tattoo around her ankle. Looked kinda red. Must be a temporary tattoo.

"How come dey thit out dere?" I asked.

"Maybe they're waiting for someone," Daniel said trying to sound reasonable and open-minded.

"Fo what?" I asked. "To cawwee dere coffee?" Janet coughed again. I wondered if she was coming down with something.

I continued to hang over the back of the chair. 15 minutes later the three came in. You could feel the heat from the open door as the air conditioner god struggled to protect his devoted minions. First to the counter? Barbie with Capri and Sundress dutifully awaiting their turn. Barbie bought a bottle of coffee and a sandwich. A bottle? She bought the bottled version. Not fresh. No. A bottle. Like they have in the gas stations.

Sundress and Capri ordered a couple decafs. Decaf. Why bother? Decaf is a sin. The caffeine god should strike them down.

Then the fourth shows up, out of breath. And guess what. She carries the drinks to the three remaining.

"Told ya tho," I said.

"What Jack?" Daniel asked. Obviously not having one of his brighter moments.

"Hawomy is da tagawong," I said.

Janet snorted a mouthful of her green tea frappacino. So I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Cassie. It's a cool show. At least Janet knew who Harmony was. Daniel was clueless.

"Jack, it's not nice to talk about people like that," Daniel said. "Especially when they might here you."

I shrugged. "Don't wike it, don't wisten," I said.

"Jack…." Daniel drawled. I don't like when he says my name like that. It's usually closely followed by something I'm not gonna like.

"Wha?" I asked. I pulled the sweet angelic face that sometimes works.

I was saved by Janet still choking. She wiped up the table where she sprayed then started blowing and wiping her nose. I think it hurt when she snorted her tea. Could have been worse. It could have been hot.

I turned my attention back to the window. Saw the inevitable college type with laptop in tow. Harried mothers melting in the heat will their over active spawn seemed immune to the temperature.

I blinked. A did a double take.

"Whoa!" I said. "Addams famawy!"

"What Jack?" Daniel said. You know, he's been saying that a lot today.

I pointed. Three 'young' people I assume dressed all in black in the current 'goth' look. Two women and a man. The man was completely covered all the way to a jacket and hate. We don't want to mention the frilly white shirt with the lace. The women wore long black dresses though their arms were bare. The hair in that bottle black. Gotta be bottle to be that opaque. And they were so pale to be transparent.

"I don't see how anyone can wear black in this heat," Janet said.

"Kinda big to be weawing dat much bwack," I said.

Daniel coughed. "Uh…. I've heard that many people consider black a 'slimming' shade," he said trying to be diplomatic.

"Don't think dat much bwack in da word," I said.

Daniel's coffee tried to take the same route as Janet's tea. In his case it was hot. I bet that hurt.

FINI


	14. Chapter 14: Oh NO!

Chapter 14: Oh NO!

Daniel was in the men's room. Janet was at the counter getting refills and more paper towels. And I'm extremely bored. The Barbie brigade is still in the corner. The lead Barbie with the orange nails is doing the hair flip thing. If I were a good boy, I'd stay right here in this nice comfy chair until Daniel or Janet get back.

I'm not a good boy.

I got up and slowly sauntered my way back to them. They just chatted away, oblivious to my presence. Either they don't have kids or they have nannies.

Where to start? Ah. I've got it. I go back to our chairs and dig through Daniel's briefcase until I find what I need. Then back to the Barbies. Yup. Still oblivious to me. I settle down on the floor next to Sundress. The tattoo is a pattern of Celtic knots. All the rage apparently. Definitely a temporary tattoo. I have to do it. I start coloring it with the permanent marker.

I'm about a quarter through the pattern when she finally noticing something is going on. She starts to reach down and hits my head. She shrieked. You'd think she just saw Stuart Little.

"What are you doing?!" Sundress yelled.

"Cowwering?" I said holding up the red sharpie.

Tagalong gently took the pen from me and put the cap back on. "Honey, you can't color on people," she said. "It's not nice."

"Okay," I said, using the brown eyes for all I was worth. She melted. She has more than two brain cells.

Meanwhile Sundress was scrubbing at her ankle. The tattoo was coming off. My artistic endeavor wasn't. Now that's entertainment.

"Where's your mommy, honey?" Tagalong asked.

I pointed at Janet at the counter. Then I slid over to Capri and patted her stomach which wasn't quite hidden by the shirt she was trying to wear. The buttons were holding up protest signs.

"Is you baby a boy or giwl?" I asked doing the big eyes routine.

Her face went bright red. She sputtered and choked. Nothing coherent came out. Wonder if anything ever did.

I turned to Head Barbie. She had this expression on her face of bored amusement as the state of her posse. I grabbed the arm of her chair and hoisted myself until my face was inches away from her bust.

"Ah does fow weal?" I asked brightly.

I learned something. When you go red beneath a fake tan you look kind burnt orange instead of brown. Interesting.

"JACK!"

Janet's voice. The voice that promised honkin big needles in my future. I was abruptly scooped up in the air.

"I am so sorry he bothered you," Janet said holding me tightly.

"Mama…. Aiw…" I murmured against the hold. She eased up a little.

"Oh that's all right," Tagalong said. "You have a very sweet son." Her's was the only real smile to be had and there was a sparkle in her eyes. I think she enjoyed it as much as I did.

Janet carried me off. I was in trouble, but I couldn't help myself. Okay, I didn't try either.

"Jack…. You are evil," Janet said as she plunked me down on my chair again. I bounced.

I shrugged. Then I noticed Janet's smirk. Apparently she heard more than I thought. I struggled to look repentant. Didn't work.

"Gonna tell Da?" I asked.

"Hell no," Janet said sipping her tea.

Maybe no needles after all.

FINI


	15. Chapter 15:The Bank

Chapter 15: The Bank

I have three doctorates. I can speak 26 languages some of which have never been heard on this planet. I am a member of a team of explorers who cross go around the galaxy protecting the innocent and destroying evil wherever we go.

So what was I thinking when I walked into the bank during lunch hour with a downsized Jack in tow. The two year old with the mind of a perverse and mentally unstable 50 year old. I must have been insane. Somebody shoot me. Twice with a zat. Bury me beneath a tombstone that reads "here lies a total bloody idiot".

I think the air conditioning was broken. I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. The place was packed and there was a long line. I had Jack on his leash and he was hopping up and down in place. So maybe it wasn't that hot. Maybe I was just nervous. Jack has been embarrassing perverse lately. At times he seems to embrace his childhood and turns into a monster.

We got in line behind a woman in a business suit. Probably on break from the office or such. She was wearing a business suit with a pager clipped to her purse. She was rather…. Amply endowed. I should have known what would happen.

Suddenly Jack's voice seemed to echo throughout the room at high volume. "Gee thee's fat!"

I quickly pulled Jack close. "Be quiet!" I hissed.

"Well… thee ith," Jack muttered.

A couple of minutes passed by and I started to breath when suddenly Jack opened the hellmouth again. He spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is thith wide!"

The woman turned around and glared at the Jack and then glared at me. I felt my face go red as I yanked Jack close again. "Have you lost your mind?!" I hissed.

"Thowwy," Jack muttered. "I couldn' help it."

"Try."

"I did."

"Try harder."

We were blessed with a brief lull and the uh… robust woman reached the front of the line. Suddenly her pager went off emitting a loud series of beeps.

Abruptly Jack yelled. "Run, thee's backing up!!"

I'm going to kill myself.

Fini


	16. Chapter 16: Bumblebee

Chapter 16: Bumblebee

A/N: Janet's turn.

Some how, this ended up being my turn to watch the Jack-Beast. Sam and Teal'c are off world on a recon. Daniel had a series of meetings with some obscure representatives of some world that's even more obscure. Cassie is at a friend's for a sleepover. So, here I am with Jack. Unlike others, I'm not going to say 'how bad it can it be'. I still have vivid memories of Starbucks. And no I didn't tell Daniel in case you were wondering.

Jack is out in the garden chasing butterflies. I know what you're thinking. Colonel Jack O'Neill chasing butterflies. I'm sitting on my porch so I can hear him. Those butterflies are a fighter squadron after a goa'uld mothership. Also known a paper airplane. The strategy is good, but according to our downsized colonel, the butterflies are wusses. The bumblebees on the other are doing a good job of being death gliders. You have no idea how weird it all sounds out there.

Jack being fairly good at the moment and occupying himself while I glance through a medical journal. I didn't expect to hear the sound of Jack singing. He has such a cute little voice and I can't help but listen.

o/' I'm bwinging home a baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so pwoud of me.o/

He had his hands cupped together as if he were holding a live bee. Oh god I hope not.

o/' I'm bwinging home a baby bumblebee ….Ouch! It thung me!o/'

He shook his hands as if he were stung. I hope not. My luck, he's allergic. I mentally review the contents of my medical bag.

o/' I'm thqwuishing up da baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so pwoud of me. o/'

He's smushing up whatever is in his hands. Is it too much to ask for pure imagination?

o/' I'm thqwuishing up da baby bumblebee. Ooh! Ith yucky!o/'

He looked at his hands. I'm too far away to see if my hope was in vain.

o/' I'm wiping off da baby bumblebee. Won't my mommy be so pwoud of me.o/'

There is a distinct green smear on his light blue teashirt. I am not going to cry.

o/'I'm wiping off da baby bumblebee. Now my mommy won't be mad at me! o/'

Jack came to the porch to show me his clean hands.

"Jack?" I asked fearing the worse.

He looked down at the palm of his left hand. "I think da thingeh ith thuck," he said.

I grabbed his hand. The gods hate me. He really had a bee. The rest is smeared on the front of his teashirt. I quickly take him inside and grab my bag. Jack sat on the chair swinging his legs,

It was in pretty deep so I had to dig it out. He kept perfectly still although those tears nearly broke my heart. While I was working on his hand, he sang softly to himself.

o/' I'm bwinging home my baby dinothaur. Won't my mommy hide behind da door./'  
o/' I'm bwinging home my baby dinothaur. Ooh eee it thepped on me!o/'

At least he's not allergic to bee stings.

Fini


	17. Chapter 17: The Mission

Chapter 17: The Mission

I thought it was a good idea. Daniel and Janet were finally going on a date. So I offered to baby-sit Cassie and Jack. Colonel O'Neill. Well he still is technically.

We're trying to find an antidote for the drink that transformed him. We are still analyzing it, but still nothing conclusive. It has fascinating chemical properties. In order to reverse the aging process is difficult enough. But it goes beyond that. Just making the cell regenerate to younger state, we're also talking about a loss of mass. Reducing the mass of an adult male to that of a toddler, without the loss of memory is amazing. Though he is clearly using more of his brain than a normal child of his age. We're hoping it's only a sign of his adaptation of maintaining his memories. On the other hand the increased brain activity could mean something entirely different. The colonel does have the ATA gene and has also had the ancient's repository downloaded into his brain twice. And….

Sorry. Habit.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Babysitting. Cassie is 14. Jack is in a 2 year old body. How hard could it be? We'd eat pizza and watch TV. What was I thinking? Cassie and Jack were not in the sit still mode. The pizza was consumed. Noisily. Messily. Jack's coordination isn't what it used to be.

While I tried to clean up the mess, Jack chased Cassie around the living room both screaming at the top of their lungs. The last time I had a headache like this an Ashrak tried to kill me. In self defense I sent them outside hoping Cassie would wear Jack out. When Cassie was around Jack acted his current size. It was sometimes strange to see. It was like his adult self vanished. I mean we often accused him of being a big kid. But you can see it in the eyes. His eyes had seen so much. Even when he was downsized, that hint of darkness was still there. But Cassie always seemed to make it go away.

I heard Cassie counting in the back yard. Apparently they were now indulging in a game of hide and seek. That made me relax. That would keep them busy for a while.

I had pulled out my laptop to do some work when I heard Cassie's voice.

"Ollie ollie oxen free!!"

What the hell does that mean?

"Jack, I give up."

I got up and went to the sliding door and looked out. Cassie was standing on the deck. I didn't realize how much time had passed. The sun had gone down and the yard was dark except for the porch light.

"Cassie?"

"Aunt Sam, I can't find Jack," the girl said looking worried.

"How long have you been looking?" I asked.

Cassie swallowed. "Since we started playing hide and seek," she said. "Before it got dark."

I felt my stomach tighten. "Jack?" I called.

Nothing.

I ran back to the kitchen and grabbed the flashlight and Cassie and I began a sweep of the backyard. Jack wouldn't just disappear. We checked every spot a 24" toddler could squeeze into. The garage was locked. There was no way he could have gotten in there. I went to the front. No signs of struggle.

Yes, I was scared. Jack could have been taken. NID would have loved to get their hands on him. But there was nothing to be found. I turned around and noticed that the front door was partially open. I was now working my way toward frantic. I waved Cassie behind me and slowly re-entered the house. Nothing seemed out of place.

Wait. I was wrong. Chocolate chip cookies were lined up in a neat row on the coffee table. Each with a Jack sized bite out of it. He didn't….

I hurried into the kitchen. There was a chair next to the counter and the cookie jar. The only things in the jar were crumbs…. The little monster. I'm going to kill him.

"JACK!" I yelled. Again. No answer. He was hiding again.

What kind of game was he playing?

We searched the first floor thoroughly. In every closet. Under every piece of furniture. No Jack. But I knew he was here. All the sneakers in the hall closet had knots tying them together and hanging from the doorknob.

I'm going to spank his behind black and blue. I don't care that he used to be my commanding officer.

We still hadn't found him by the time Janet and Daniel got home. I was close to panic at this point.

"You lost Jack?!" Janet asked.

"I didn't loose him!" I replied. "The little beast is hiding and won't come out!"

Daniel's face contorted. I was sure if he was going to laugh. If he did I was going to kill him where he stood.

We made sure all the windows and doors were secured before we continued the search. I think we searched every single nook and cranny that boy could have gotten into. And still no Jack.

Until Daniel heard a noise. It was coming from a return vent in the den. Daniel knelt down and examined the vent. It was behind one of the easy chairs. We had looked behind the chair, but had seen nothing.

The screws on the vent had been removed. I pulled the chair out of the way as Daniel lifted off the vent cover. Naturally there was enough room for a two foot former colonel. A former colonel who was now currently sound asleep.

Jack was curled up in a ball holding a rolled up towel in his arms like a stuffed animal. His thumb was firmly in his mouth. Daniel gently pulled him out, but he never woke up. He just snuggled deeper into his arms.

I collapsed in the chair in relief. I'll kill him later. Cassie pulled out a few other things that were in the vent opening. A small flashlight. A bottle of water. Cookies. A roll of duct tape. And a swiss army knife.

Daniel came back downstairs after putting Jack to bed. "You let him wear the black sneakers, didn't you," he said.

"What difference does that make?" I asked.

"I suppose I should have warned you," Daniel said. "Those are Jack's stealth operations sneakers."

Janet hugged her daughter. "And a game of hide and seek gave him the opportunity," she said. "The Jack-beast does things like that."

I sighed. "I'm gonna kill him," I said.

"Take a number," Daniel said with a smile. I suppose he was at the head of the line. He had to live with the Jack-beast.

Fini


	18. Chapter 18: The Big Boo Boo

Chapter 18: The Big Boo Boo

It seemed like a good idea. It really did. Then. Not now though. I just wanted to look at the stars. It's been so long since I'd been up on the observation deck and look through my telescope. It's been weeks. Lots of weeks. I know something's going on. Janet hasn't been over in a long time. She and Sam were going over test results. On whether or not they found a way to make me big again.

I miss being big. I miss a lot of things. I miss kicking back with a beer and a hockey game. I miss driving. I miss having a big steak. I miss driving myself to work. I miss going up to the cabin to fish. I miss…. I miss my job. I miss going through the gate.

And sometimes, I have… I have a hard time remembering it sometimes. I get distracted and I don't think. I just… act. I act like a kid. It think it's making me crazy.

I just wanted to see the stars. I miss the stars.

There are steps to the second floor, then a ladder that led to the deck. I was so high. One at a time. One step at a time. I wish it hadn't rained.

The last thing I ever expected was to hear the scream. I hope I never hear that again. I knew it was Jack the moment I heard it. I don't know how I got to the back yard so fast. I don't remember getting up or running through the house. All I remember is seeing Jack lying on the wet grass.

He wasn't moving when I got to him. He was laying face down in the grass. I slowly turned him over. I can't tell you how relieved I was when I heard that soft moan. He whimpered softly as I shifted him onto his back.

"Jack?" I said. "Jack… can you hear me? Jack?"

"Da..?" he mumbled.

"I'm here, baby," I pulled him into my arms. "I've got you. I've got you."

I carried him into the house as he whimpered in my arms. I was dark outside. I needed to see him. His clothes were covered with grass stains from where he hit the ground. He must have rolled trying to break his fall. There was swelling on his forehead. And he was unconsciously trying to cradle his right arm. I tried to shift him to get a better look and for a second I thought I was going sick.

Jack had broken his arm. The broken end of the bone was sticking through the skin. I had to do something. I laid him down on the floor and rummaged around the kitchen drawers until I had a couple wooden spoons. I laid the spoons on either side of his arm. Then I grabbed a couple dish clothes. I knelt back down beside Jack.

His eyes were open but he looked dazed.

"Can you here me?" I asked.

"Uh huh…" he murmured.

"Your arm is broken," I said. "I have to set it. You have to stay still. Do you understand?"

He stared up at me. His eyes were so full of pain and fear. "Yeth…" he murmured.

I'm not sure he hurt worse. Him or me. He was so brave. He didn't move a muscle as I straightened the bone and set it. I wrapped in the dishtowels gently around his arm using the spoons to help stabilize it. I lifted him into my arms again. He was shivering with cold as the shock set in.

I grabbed a jacket from the closet and wrapped it around him. Then I raced to the car. I had to get Jack to the hospital.

"Da… daddy….?" I heard from the back seat.

I glanced back at him in his booster seat. "It's okay baby," I said. "I got you. Hold on."

I snapped open my cell phone and called Janet.

My heart was racing when I ran into the emergency room. Daniel's call scared me. So much could have gone wrong. I was barely aware of the grip I had on Cassie's hand as we raced down the hall.

"Janet!"

It was Daniel. I ran to him. Into his arms without thinking. The three of us stood there, just shaking.

"How is he?" I asked. I couldn't believe my voice was shaking so much.

"His arm is broken," Daniel said. "And I think he has a mild concussion."

"What happened?"

"He fell," Daniel said. "I think he was trying to go up to the observation deck. Rain stopped. Sky was clear." He ran his hand through his hair. "I should have watched him better. I let this happen… why wasn't I watching him better."

I rubbed his arm. "Daniel, it's not your fault," I said.

"The stars," Cassie said.

I looked at her. "What honey?"

"Sometimes… when he was still big… uncle Jack would take me up to the deck to look at the stars through his telescope," she said.

I put my arm around her and hugged her. "He probably missed looking at them," I said.

I don't know how long we waited. I'm a medical doctor. I know the procedures. I know how long it takes. But it felt endless. It's different when it's your own child ad you have to wait. Though, Jack isn't my child. But he's my friend. And he's so small. Damn it, he is my child.

Cassie remained in the waiting room when they called us in. My God he looked so little on the gurney. So pale. I barely heard the doctor speaking. Fracture to the ulna. Mild concussion. Daniel was standing on the other side, holding Jack's left hand. I brush the hair lightly from his forehead.

"Jack… Jack honey, it's me…? I whispered as I leaned close.

His brown eyes opened and looked into mine. I know he recognized me. His mouth move faintly in a smile. They must have given him something for the pain.

"Thith thucks, mama," he slurred.

I felt the tears fill my eyes.

The sky was clear. The stars looked so close. It was a little cool out, but Daniel had wrapped me in a blanket. I lay back on his chest. He carried me up to the observation desk. I scratched my fingers above the cast that immobilized my wrist and arm.

"Don't scratch, Jack," Daniel said. I could feel the rumble of his voice against my back. It was comforting.

"Thowwy…," I said.

"It's okay."

"No ith not," I said. "I thewed up bad."

"Yeah… you did," Daniel said. "But you'll be okay. Don't worry."

"Thowwy… I thared you," I said. "I wath thupid."

Daniel was quiet a moment then I felt his arm come around me in a hug. "Not the first time you scared me," he said. "I doubt it'll be the last time."

"I wathn't aways dis thupid," I said. "I don't know whath wong wif me."

"I don't know, Jack… but we'll figure it out," he said into my ear.

I leaned back against him staring up at the stars. I know that they are glowing balls of gas and plasma zillions of miles apart. But that didn't matter. They were just pretty. I sucked my thumb as I lay against Daniel's chest. We were so high. But I was safe. As long as I stayed with Daniel, I would be safe.

Fini


	19. Chapter 19: The Contest

Chapter 19: The Contest

Ptwoo!

Ptwoo!

Ptwoo!

"O'Neill, what are you doing?"

"thpitting."

Ptwoo!

"Allow me to rephrase. Why are you spitting?"

"To thee if I can thpit farder than Jamie."

Ptwoo!

"And why is such an endeavor of such importance?"

"Cause Jamie thays he can thpit farder dan me."

"I see. Thus you are attempting to improve your distance."

"Yup."

Ptwoo!

"Interesting."

"You twy, Teak!"

"Very well O'Neill."

PTWOOOO!!

"Howy thit!"

Fini


	20. Chapter 20: A Day at the SGC

Chapter 20: A Day at the SGC

Lately I hadn't required SG-1 to go on a mission together. I've been sending them out on the odd mission separately or together, but it was clear that SG-1 wasn't the same without Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c, Major Carter and Dr. Jackson had returned to the planet along with Dr. Frazier in hopes of getting an answer on whether or not they would be able to return Colonel to former adult status.

The last few months have been interesting without a doubt. We would be officially celebrating his 2nd birthday in next month in October. It was clear Colonel O'Neill would much rather be celebrating his 47th birthday instead. It all depended on the results.

I stood in the control room holding Jack so that he could see out the window at the stargate. He actually flinched when the wormhole activated. The three remaining members of his team turned and waved at Jack before they turned to walk up the ramp and stepped through the gate.

Jack took his thumb out of his mouth as the wormhole disengaged. "They go thwough da puddle," he said.

"That's right, Jack," I said. "They've gone to see if they can get you some answers."

"Make me big again?" he asked.

"That's the idea."

"Being little is fun," Jack said surprisingly. We've all noticed that Jack has been acting more like a child than an adult in a child's body. And considering some of the incidents I've heard about, if he was anything like this the first time around his parents were saints and we're impressed he was able to attain adulthood.

This time around it's my turn to keep an eye on 'the Jack-beast' as Dr. Frazier calls him. I've been a father and grandfather. Not a lot gets by me. Plus I have a large number of willing hands to help keep him occupied. The SGC does not revolve around Jack O'Neill. But there is no denying the impact that he's made on a lot of people. Plus there are video cameras everywhere. Add the fact that his right arm is still in a cast, how much damage could he do?

I have never been so wrong about something in my entire life. It boggles the imagination.

Incident #1

If I find out who brought in the Big Wheel ™, they will discover that peeling potatoes for a week would be a vacation compared to what I'd rather do to them. And not just any Big Wheel ™ would do for Jack. No, someone found one that was modeled after Star Wars ™ with the requisite flashing lights and laser sounds. I suspect Siler, but I can't prove it.

Sergeant Harriman hurried into my office looking concerned. Never a good sign.

"General, you better see this," he said. He turned on the monitor in my office. He had already directed the feed so I could see what was happening. It also came with sound.

First there were loud zapping noises that reminded me of the fire of staff weapons. This was accompanied by startled yelps. The next thing I see are assorted security officers along with stray airmen diving out of the way.

Jack was peddling as fast as his little legs could pump and firing at anything that moved. His war cries were the only warning my staff got. Top it off, more than a few played along dropping to the floor as if dead. Good thing they weren't considering acting as a second career option.

"Impewial twoopers muth die!" Jack was howling.

He disappeared from the camera. A few seconds later a limping Sergeant Siler was clearly in hot pursuit.

Incident #2

"Charlene?" I said as I entered the locker room. It was currently women's only at the moment. There aren't that many women in the SGC so we time share with the 'boys'. Sometime you take what you can get.

"Yes, Rhonda?" the lieutenant replied toweling her hair dry.

"I would advise extreme caution when you enter the halls." I said as I stripped off my fatigue shirt.

"And why is that?"

"Colonel O'Neill has a Big Wheel ™," I replied. Nothing more needed to be said.

"As long as he's out there, he's fine," Charlene replied.

We were soooooo wrong.

Suddenly there was the sound of screaming. Anne, Irene, Janice and Karen came flying out of the shower grabbing towels and whatever they could get their hands on.

Behind them, looking more than a little damp, his hands in his pockets as he strolled out with a big gap toothed grin was Colonel O'Neill. The tiny terror himself. How the hell did he sneak in here without being seen?

"What?" he asked with innocent big brown eyes and a shit-eating grin.

Incident #3

The phone rang and I hurried to answer it. "Dr. Carmichael," I said.

"This is General Hammond." I straightened automatically.

"Yes, sir?"

"Doctor is Colonel with you?" the general asked me.

I quickly glanced around the lab and saw the object of the general search. "Yes, sir," I replied. "He's watching the rats."

"Rats?"

"Yes sir," I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "I use them as test subjects. Don't worry sir. They're all secure in cages. All he can do is watch them."

For a second I thought I heard a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Doctor," he said.

I hung up the phone and looked over at Colonel O'Neill. I'm just not comfortable calling him 'Jack'. He was sitting on the stool in front of the cages, leaning his chin on his folded arms in front of the rat cages. My prize, Algernon seemed to be the focus of his attention. That little guy had survived a great deal with all the alien bacteria that have been brought back.

I returned to my microscope and the slides waiting to be examined. I got caught up in the results. I should have kept a better eye on the colonel. I should have suspected something. But no. One moment I was examining slides, the next thing I'm doing is chasing rats around my lab.

Do you know how many rats were in cages? Twenty five. Do you know how many I was able to recover? Sixteen. That's nine missing rats. Make that ten rats. Colonel O'Neill is also among the missing.

I don't normally stay on the base overnight. But it seemed the best idea to stay here with Jack. He didn't want to go home without Daniel. I didn't blame him. The two of them had gone far beyond mere friendship. They had become more like father and son.

It was late and he was asleep on the cot that had been set up in my on base quarters. He was curled up on a ball sleeping peacefully on his side. His left thumb was in his mouth and his arm wrapped around a stuffed lion someone had found and left on the bed.

He looked so peaceful and innocent. Like many others, I have learned that it is no more than a façade. But I don't think I'd have him any other way.

Fini

--

Author's Note: Jack had a little adventure while at the SGC. The story is called Cause and Effect posted by Amberfly.


	21. Chapter 21: Top Ten

Chapter 21: Top Ten

Top ten reasons living with a 19 month old former colonel is a challenge:

#10

Crash!

"Jack!"

"It thipped! I thwear!"

#9

"Coming thwough!"

Thud

"Ow! Jack!"

"Thowwy."

"I hate Big Wheels ™."

#8

"Waaaaaa!"

"Jack hold still."

"Huwts! Owwww!"

"If you let me get the splinter out..."

"Waaaaa! Want Mama!!"

#7

"Our order will be here in a moment."

"I gotta pee."

"You want me to go with you?"

"No. I got it."

"Jack! Wait until you get into the bathroom drop your pants!"

#6

"Jack, pick up your toys."

"I did."

"What's that?"

"Twuck."

"Does it belong there?"

"Uh… no…"

"Get them picked up and put away."

#5

"Jack get away from the stove!"

"I'm making bweakfast fow you."

"I appreciate the thought. Please get off the chair."

"I can cook."

"Put the eggs down."

Shatter.

"Sigh."

#4

"Wheeeee!"

"Jack, what are you doing in the hall?"

"Thating!"

"Skating? How?"

"Dith thoap!"

"What?!"

Slip!

Thud!

"Ow…."

#3

"Why aren't you the cutest thing?"

"I'm not cute!"

"Of course you are. Adorable."

"Pinch my cheek and I'll take off you hand."

"What?!"

"Sorry. He doesn't do well with strangers."

"Thew you."

#2

"Jack, time for bed."

"Not sleepy."

"Yes you are. You're falling over."

"Watching hockey."

"We have TIVO."

"Not tired."

"Jack… bedtime."

"Don't wanna."

Long suffering sigh. "Jack…."

#1

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Jack?"

"I wuv you."

"I love you too."

Fini


	22. Chapter 22: Bad News

Chapter 22: Bad News?

SG-1 had returned from P94-X6A. The planet where Colonel O'Neill had drank what he thought was the local moonshine with the natives and woke up the next morning in the body of a 18 month old child. According to all Dr. Fraiser's tests, it was indeed Colonel O'Neill. Not a clone. Nothing strange in his blood. Every test she could think of Dr. Fraizer performed. All evidence concluded that it was indeed Colonel O'Neill. And with all his adult memories intact.

It is the last part that has come into question. Colonel O'Neill…. Jack was starting to forget things. As the weeks turned into months Jack was becoming more and more like the child his body presented to the world. I had ordered Jack to have several mandatory sessions with Dr. McKenzie. At first he was resistant, but over time he became more cooperative with the psychologist. That alone was rather telling. As an adult Jack couldn't stand the man or any psychologist for that matter.

But the fact of the matter, little by little Jack is starting to lose memories. His memories of us are undimished. It appears to be other things.

Now we were gathered in the conference room for SG-1 to debrief us on their findings. From their expressions it didn't appear as if it had gone well.

"What have you learned?" I asked Dr. Fraizier.

"General," Janet began. She let out a sigh. "We couldn't find any incident where the condition was reversed in anyone who was affected."

"This has been happening for generations," Daniel said. "Every time both moons are full and they drink the sacred potion within the cave, someone comes out able to live their lives over. It's considered a great gift."

"We've broken down the chemical compounds down in the potion," Sam said. "But I think it might be a combination of the drink, the attributes of the cave and perhaps a type of light wave lengths when both moons are full reflecting the suns light into the cave."

"What does that mean for Colonel O'Neill?" I asked. I glanced toward the end of the table where the toddler seemed more interested in the picture he was drawing than the conversation going on.

"It means…. We won't be able to reverse his… situation until all three aspects are in alignment again," Janet said slowly.

"When will that happen again," I asked. I already had a feeling in my gut that this wasn't going to be good.

Daniel took a deep breath and let it out. "Eleven years," he said slowly. "Eleven years before the next cycle of the double moon."

I looked toward the end of the table. Jack had stopped drawing. His head was down on the table resting on his folded arms. I had no doubt he had heard and understood every word that was spoken. He didn't move. At first glance he appeared to be taking a nap, but we all knew better.

"Jack?" Daniel said quietly.

"No." came the muffled response.

"We'll figure something out," he began.

Jack lifted his head. "No you won't!" he said glaring around the table. "Not fow eleven years! I have to live like thith for eleven moe yeath!!" He was shouting now.

Daniel got up from the table and moved toward him. Jack shoved himself away from the table as hard as he could. His hands were clenched in fists and his small face was red with anger.

"Not fair!" he yelled.

Daniel approached him cautiously. "I know it's not, Jack," he said keeping his voice in a soothing tone. "Just give us a chance…"

"No! No moe chanth!" He stomped his foot on the floor. He swung at Daniel who caught the blow easily. He pulled Jack close but Jack fought him.

Colonel O'Neill was now in a full blown, high volume, no compromise meltdown. I winced at some of the things he was yelling. I may not speak Arabic, but there was no mistaking his meaning. And truth be told, none us could blame him in the least.

Unfortunately that much hysteria was tough on that small body. He had worked himself up so badly he started vomiting. Dr. Frazier had obviously come prepared for this. It may have still been the colonel's mind in there, but the body's emotions took a heavy toll on him. It took a few minutes for the sedative to take effect. And it took both Daniel and Janet to calm him enough to make it work.

The meeting was essentially over. Daniel carried Jack to the infirmary with Janet following. Teal'c and Major Carter would fill me in on the rest of the bad news. We all would need to look at a more permanent solution. In eleven years Jack would be 13 years old. Who know what will have changed for him by then.

I had sat with Jack after we brought him home. He was in a deep sleep. His body needed the rest badly. I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow. I had a feeling the next few weeks were going to be very difficult.

I had read through a report General Hammond had handed to me before we left the mountain. The contents had left me stunned. I went downstairs to the kitchen. Janet was sitting at the table stirring a cold cup of coffee, her mind obviously elsewhere. Cassie was currently passed out on the couch.

I sat down beside her and slid the folder in front of her. "You should read this," I said.

Janet looked at me startled then opened the folder and started reading. Her eyes went wide. She has pretty eyes. Her mouth dropped open. She went white. Then she went red. Then her face couldn't make up its mind and just went pink.

"Is this real?" she gaped at me.

I pointed to the living room. "There's the big wheel," I said.

"The women's shower?"

"Well… we did let him wear the stealth sneakers."

"Carmichael's rats?"

"They've found most of them."

"The quantum mirror!!" her voice had gradually risen to a strangled screech.

"I'm shrunk there and Jack is a general according to him," I said. "And some kid named Cam who I think was shrunk too."

Janet put her head on the table with a thunk. I winced.

"Shit…. Kill me now," she said.

Fini


End file.
